Daylight Nightmares

Sitting in the water
bobbing up, then down
waiting for the other shoe
or leg, to drop
using my limbs
for bait, it feels.

Just a month ago
pulled me from my board
that will remain nameless
some thing.

It's taken this time
to get past the hesitation
the short breaths
the constant anxiety
to a state of mostly calm
interrupted by great visions of white.

So I sit, trying not to
but gazing into the depth anyway
a fingered leaf here, a branch of kelp there
knowing I won't see
what I need to see
until it's

upon me.